A look at the world through my eyes. Well, just part of the world.
Of course the one time I’ve ever been embarrassed to see a movie in theaters, I had to wait in line for 15 minutes before getting in.
I stood next to my mom and sister, behind about 30 middle-aged women all anxiously waiting for the ushers to let them into the new “Twilight” movie. I was ashamed to be there, but I was even more ashamed that I was there by choice.
In my defense, my mom can be pretty persuasive.
“We’re going to see ‘Twilight’ tomorrow. Want to come?” she’d asked.
“Sure,” I said.
As I said – very persuasive.
She told me we could go to a theater that’s pretty far from our town so we could be sure that nobody I know would see me there. The lengths a mother will go to protect her son’s dignity can be truly heartwarming.
The theater was a bit closer than I would have liked – it was in the same state – but I decided it was time to suck it up and be a man. I use that term loosely.
After I disappeared into the bathroom to play with the Dyson hand dryer and avoid associating myself with the other moviegoers, the ushers finally let us into the theater. My self-respect stooped lower and lower with each movie trailer before the film. They were all about different forbidden romances: a witch and a mortal, an alien and a human, a democrat and a fascist. If there was any hope of telling myself I was just there to see an action-packed vampire movie, the previews beat that delusion with a stick.
It was a dine-in theater, so our waiter came to take our order before the movie started. He came and squatted by my side, offering me a head nod that either said, “Yo, I respect you,” or “I’m team Jacob, too.”
I chose not to order popcorn for fear that the butter would go straight to my thighs.
When the movie ended, I felt a strange combination of happiness and self-loathing. Maybe I’m martyring myself by admitting it, but the movie was pretty entertaining.
I guess experiences like this one teach us to stay true to ourselves and to do what makes us happy, right? It’s like that time my classmates made fun of me in 4th grade when they found out I read “Ella Enchanted.”
But just to set the record straight, I will not be purchasing the “Twilight” movie when it comes out on DVD. My mother will.