GW Hatchet Blogs - blogs.gwhatchet.com

I saw an Irish comedian perform recently as part of New Zealand’s International Comedy Festival, and he made an excellent observation about Kiwi speech: New Zealanders are the only people who actually talk the way they’re stereotyped. The Irish tend not to sound like the Lucky Charms mascot and Australians are not constantly chatting about shrimp on the bahhh-bie. Kiwis, however, talk pretty much as expected. It’s funny to me now, but until a few months ago, I couldn’t have told you what a New Zealander was supposed to say. Something about sheep, possibly? I now know that Kiwis like talking about how great things are in a number of unusual ways.

The comedian, David O’Doherty, mentioned getting his passport stamped when arriving in New Zealand, prompting the customs agent deem everything “awesome.” But it’s not just the extreme enthusiasm for something that is usually less awesome and more routine and necessary. It’s the multitude of ways through which that awesomeness can be expressed. I’ve become accustomed to using choice and keen, but the most iconic Kiwi phrase is undoubtedly “sweet as.” You could exclaim that something is sweet or cool or mean (a good thing, of course), but adding “as” somehow makes everything sweeter and cooler and meaner. To what is all this sweetness being compared? Nobody’s entirely sure, but that’s no problem.

I’ve come a long way from the first night of orientation when we were told to go grab our togs and jandals, and everyone just stared until it was clarified that we might want to change into bathing suits and flip-flops. Since then, I’ve learned where the wop wops are and what a dairy is. I know how to pronounce Paraparaumu and whakapapa. I order my food for takeaway instead of to go and say cheers instead of thanks. I’ve been mistaken for an Australian and I’ve been told that I don’t really have too much of an accent. Despite all this, I can’t quite bring myself to say sweet as. Before I leave New Zealand, I hope to happen upon a situation that is maybe sort of nice but still declare with confidence that it is, in fact, sweet as.